The new year means a different kind of beginning for me than it did when I was younger. I'm afraid I've given up on the illusion that short list of things to do would be adhered to and actually change my life. Experience has told me that those lists don't have much hold over me...I suppose I'm just not disciplined enough.
I do get an urge to do things a little better or at least a little differently this time of year, though.
As I put away the Christmas things, I have an urge to cull out the unnecessary...and there's an increasing amount of unnecessary...and preserve more carefully the important.
I have few treasures of a tangible sort, and I've reconciled myself to the fact that time takes it's toll on all things...especially my body and my Christmas breakables, but I pack more carefully and handle those I really do treasure with more respect.
I'm always a bit sick of yummy, rich food after the holidays, and healthier veggies and fruits seem to call my name in January. Molly even re-introduced me to brussel sprouts for the umpteenth time in my life, and this time it took...I LOVED them. That's not to say that Mama's caramel cake won't always have my name on a slice, but sometimes healthier just seems right, and right now is one of those times.
I treated myself to a new pair of walking shoes last week...basically because walking at all was misery.... and voila! I am walking again with almost no discomfort. Yes, they were expensive, and worth it at ten times the cost.
I'm seeing some projects come to a close, in particular my Education for Ministry class, and finishing things always feels good. I'll graduate in May, and, no, I won't become a "minister" as such, but I feel much more comfortable in my understanding of my faith, and will continue to pursue it in ways that are meaningful.
I've found that I treasure time spent with my girlfriends this year. I'm not a great girlfriend type person. I'm much more of a loner, don't care that much about fashion and other girly kind of things, and hate talking on the phone, but I've found great pleasure in my Mah Jongg group and book group and a study group and I want to explore my female friendships further.
My relationship with my family has changed somehow this year. The grandchildren in Memphis are outgrowing their need for childcare, and I don't see them as much. My time with them is less involved with caregiving and more focused on events. This shift has thrown me off kilter a bit, and I'm looking forward to some time with my California "babies", but am realizing that I'm more free to fill my time with reading and friends too.
I'm allowing myself to dream a bit. As a young girl I dreamed all the time. I dreamed of Prince Charming, of being Debbie Reynolds, of having the most and cutest outfits in my class, but I never much dreamed beyond having a home and family. Exploring art a bit has given me a glimpse of a me that might have been had I dreamed a little longer. My blog is one way of dreaming. I ran across an old entry this morning with a link to you tube clip that I'm going to play more frequently this year. Happy New Year to all! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PPlkOyaqaQ