Mama's Gardenias

Ahhh…Mother’s Day…That great Hallmark Holiday that it would be a crime to forget. Who doesn’t have strong feelings about their mother? They are the center of our universe from birth, and even when Daddy knows best, it’s often Mama who has the final say in family matters…at least around our house.

My mama was the glue that held the family together through thick and thin, for richer and definitely for poorer, she always managed to keep it together. She was a central touchstone that allowed my brother and sister and me to communicate without communicating, and it kind of smoothed the sibling rivalry to get most of our news through Mama. Once she was gone we had to kind of reacquaint ourselves with each other, sometimes more successfully than others, but because it was important to Mama, I think it will always be important to us to be a family.

Yesterday, I deadheaded over 150 blooms from the gardenia bush I planted to remind me of Mama. It was her favorite flower, although I don’t really remember her having a bush of her own. For her, gardenias were the reminder of dates who brought corsages and danced the night away. She asked for a gardenia corsage at each of the girls wedding. The smell of those gardenias as I pulled was as close as I can get to what Mama seemed to smell like, so I sat in an easy chair near the bush and just enjoyed the smell for a while after I finished deadheading… and thought of Mama.

I wonder what symbol my children will remember me by? I hope it’s something as sweet as the gardenias that remind me of Mama who could be just as sweet as their smell…just not always, I’m afraid. But even when she was difficult, she put up with a whole lot more difficulty from me, the child she just couldn’t quite get to fit the mold she had in mind, and she loved me anyway. Happy Mother’s Day Mama!

Blessings,
Janie

Mama's Gardenias

Ahhh…Mother’s Day…That great Hallmark Holiday that it would be a crime to forget. Who doesn’t have strong feelings about their mother? They are the center of our universe from birth, and even when Daddy knows best, it’s often Mama who has the final say in family matters…at least around our house. My mama was the glue that held the family together through thick and thin, for richer and definitely for poorer, she always managed to keep it together. She was a central touchstone that allowed my brother and sister and me to communicate without communicating, and it kind of smoothed the sibling rivalry to get most of our news through Mama. Once she was gone we had to kind of reacquaint ourselves with each other, sometimes more successfully than others, but because it was important to Mama, I think it will always be important to us to be a family. Yesterday, I deadheaded over 150 blooms from the gardenia bush I planted to remind me of Mama. It was her favorite flower, although I don’t really remember her having a bush of her own. For her, gardenias were the reminder of dates who brought corsages and danced the night away. She asked for a gardenia corsage at each of the girls wedding. The smell of those gardenias as I pulled was as close as I can get to what Mama seemed to smell like, so I sat in an easy chair near the bush and just enjoyed the smell for a while after I finished deadheading… and thought of Mama. I wonder what symbol my children will remember me by? I hope it’s something as sweet as the gardenias that remind me of Mama who could be just as sweet as their smell…just not always, I’m afraid. But even when she was difficult, she put up with a whole lot more difficulty from me, the child she just couldn’t quite get to fit the mold she had in mind, and she loved me anyway. Happy Mother’s Day Mama! Blessings, Janie

Honoring Mama

Ahhh…Mother’s Day…that Hallmark Holiday that nudges us to do what we should do daily…appreciate our mothers. I truly wish I had done more appreciating and less chafing while my mama was still with me. I never really saw that her constant efforts to “improve” me were her way of showing love until she was gone. For most of my life I thought that there must be something terribly wrong with me if she had to fuss over me so.

Mama said just before she died that the happiest day of her life was the day I was born, and after thinking about it, I realized that it was simply because I made her a mother...the most important role in her life and mine.

 I heard a sermon at one of our baby’s baptisms that pointed out that the infants being brought to the font to be blessed and accepted as Christ’s own had done nothing at all to deserve being quite as beloved as they certainly were, each all dressed up in their baptismal finery and held in loving arms. They had simply been born. As I look at the picture attached, I can see that that belovedness was in my mother from the early hours of my birth. I didn’t earn it; I didn’t have to appreciate it; I didn’t even have to reciprocate it…but I did.

 I suppose the greatest honor my sister and I ever paid my mama was wanting to be just like her, only maybe a bit better. We learned the lessons she taught us well, and as I see our girls being an even better version of Mama than we were, I know that her lessons will live on.

I was so lucky to have Mama for as long as I did, and as a good friend told me I would, I still miss her everyday. But this Mother’s Day my children and grandchildren will come over for a swim and bring a meal, and my greatest delight will be in honoring my daughters as mothers.

Blessings,
Janie

Happy Mother's Day

I know… it’s a Hallmark holiday, and I've already posted a wonderful piece someone else wrote about what I really want from my family...a bit more of their time, which I understand is the most precious commodity any of them possess. 


 I can remember being at their stages of life with children and husband and community and church all pulling at me.  I possess a box with a number of letters I wrote to my mother through the years, and most of them begin with an apology for not writing more often...not visiting more often.  I think the ones to my grandmother do too.


They always seemed to understand and never scolded, and truthfully, when I did descend on them with my brood of children, I think they heaved a huge sigh of relief that we didn't do it more often.  What they probably would have treasured was more of my undivided attention...something I only gave my mother for a few precious days and hours in the final months of her life.  I think the source of all my grief was realizing then that those days would be gone, never to be reclaimed and that no notes of apology would make up for them. So I made her custard that she had no taste for and curled up the hideous blue recliner in her den and rocked myself after she went to sleep.


The late afternoons when I'm waiting for one of my ubiquitous casseroles to cook are when I miss her most.  I would often pick up the phone just to check in, mostly because she was the one person in the world I knew would always be thrilled to hear my voice.  I knew it then, but I know it more now when the phone rings and it's one of my girls.

The gardenias she loved so much are beginning to bloom, and today I went out to see if I could find a few..I did, exactly three.  She sent one for me, my siser, and brother...to let us know that she still loves us on this Mother's Day.  If she were around, she's put on a suit and low heeled shoes and hose and go to church with a white rose pinned to her chest in memory of Mamo and expect us to do the same with a pink or red one to honor her.  Some of us will go to church, but not likely with the rose on our shoulder, but more likely with a gardenia in our hearts.


We miss you Mama.


Blessings,


Janie