Healthy cookies never look or taste like the picture on the package, but Oreo's do.
The really good recipes never really serve four, but the lousy ones actually serve twelve.
The sour milk jug is always ¾ full, but there’s never one more serving out of the good jug.
The juice never gets spilled on the ratty old placemats.
The jeans that fit nicely invariably get bleach spots where you don’t want them; the ugly ones are pristine when you finally outgrow them.
If you buy a sweater large enough to allow for dryer shrinkage, it never does. If you don’t, it ends up fitting the dog.
The skinny mirrors are always in the store, not your closet.
The investment that just couldn’t fail usually does, and the pennies in the jar aren’t worth much either.
The movie you’ve been dying to see is the one where all the good parts were in the previews.
Perfect hair color only lasts a month at most, but a bad haircut lasts at least a year.
The lipstick you really like always gets discontinued, but is never in the clearance bin. The one you hate is available forever and always on sale.
If you buy enough of anything to allow for breakage or spoilage, it never breaks or spoils.
The invasive perennials never get bugs or diseases and bloom for months. The good ones bloom while you’re on vacation.
Couples with infertility problems are invariably the ones who would be the best parents.
Your car is in perfect shape at the last check up before the warranty is up, but breaks down before the next one is due.
The side of the car that got keyed is never the one that ends up being sideswiped.
Your toddler is perfectly behaved at grandmother’s, but never at home. At her house, he wears whatever she puts on him, eats whatever she serves, and never has potty accidents, and sleeps all night…You know the rest.
The lamp that gets broken at Nana’s house is never the one from the discount store.
The day you finally bring the extra set of clothes home from playschool… forever… is followed by a potty accident the next.
Your husband never shows up with a “Surprise Bouquet” the day before you break down and order one for yourself.